NEW Jim and Frank Podcast!

Go here to play the episode. (It's number 14 on the list!)

https://archive.org/details/TheDawnOfANewEraVol.Iii

Episode 23: "Maple" Syrup and Claude Gummonds Together Again After 30 Long Years!

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We've decided to put aside the usual introductory blather and instead post an excerpt from "Maple" Syrup's immortal 1988 autobiography "Tears of Dust":

TEARS OF DUST

1988

It all started with a rake. It’ll end with a shovel. That ole shovel will throw dirt on my coffin, when they lay my tired ole body to rest.

That ole rake means a lot to me. I still have it. Got it hanging in my tour bus. It’s a reminder. Don’t get above your raising, momma used to say to me. That ole rake’s just about worn to nothing. Paint’s come off its handle, and its teeth ain’t much to brag about.

But if it wasn’t for that ole rake, I wouldn’t be here right now, telling my story. And you wouldn’t be here to want to hear it.

Daddy give me that rake when I was seven. “Make yourself useful,” he said as he handed it to me. It was the first gift I’d even got from anyone. Oh, I’d had plenty of lickings by then, but ain’t nobody nowhere going to call those a gift!

I used that rake to earn bus fare to Nashville. I raked people’s front yards—all of Clactahatchee County knew me as the boy with the rake. Didn’t nobody have grass in their front yards. They was all dirt. They’d pay me a quarter, and I’d rake that dirt up as nice as could be.

Got to where I could make designs in the dirt with that rake. I’d so special scenes for Thanksgiving, Hog Day, Christmas, and Slaughter Day. Sometimes the folks’d pay me extra. Just a penny, or a nickel more, but it was something extra.

I gave 90 percent of my earnings to daddy. He just drank that money away. I don’t think momma never got a penny of it.

It took me 18 years of hard raking—winter, spring, summer and fall—but I finally had me 33 dollars and 87 cents. That was just enough for a Greyhound bus to Nashville. Oh, I was gonna make it big. I was gonna be the King of Country Music! Still and all, I took that ole rake along with me. It was what I knew—raking and singing was what I knew. One of them was gonna make me famous and rich. I guess you know which one did the trick.

I’d rake and rake, and sing and sing. I made up some songs lots of folks know by heart today—“Butter My Bread,” “I Saw the 10:30 Train [Through the Old Window-Pane],” “Dorita Bonita” and “Momma, I’m Married.”

But there was one special song—one I’d hum to myself, to set up a rhythm while I dug those lines in the dirt…

Keep your hands offa my rake,

Don’t you make the same mistake
that but a whole bunch of men in the ground…

Get your paws offa that rake
or your god-dang goose I’ll bake
and they’ll be looking for you in the Lost and Found…

That was “my song”—a private song just for me. I never shared that one with nobody. Not ‘til I met a certain Mr. Ruthington in Tootsie’s Bar and Grill, down on “Printer’s Alley” in the heart of Music City…

Herle Ruthington. When I hear that name, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Herle made me a star. He also made himself filthy rich. Herle liked music—but he loved money. Herle loved to touch his money. He’d rub a fresh dollar bill all over his face. He’d kiss a quarter just to do it.

Herle had him a little ritual that he called “Money Man.” Every time we got another gold record, he’d do this bit. He’d empty his swimming pool, and have the bank bring over a million dollar bills. The armored truck would drive right across his lawn. He’d have some colored boys to help shovel that money into the pool.

When the pool was filled, Herle would get buck naked—nakeder than a dozen jaybirds—and he’d have them boys spray him all over with Pam spray. They’d spray him ‘til he glistened.

Then ole Herle would do a “cannon ball” into the pool. The Pam spray would make the dollar bills stick to him. A few laps in the pool, and Herle would be covered in money from head to toe.

By this time, it would be dark. Herle would crawl out of the pool—a walking wad of dollars—and run down the streets of Nashville, shouting “I’m the Money Man! I’m the Money Man!”

We wouldn’t see him ‘til every dollar on his body was spent. He’d wake up, naked as the day he was born, in some hotel room, and then the phone would ring. “Boys, come git me. Bring my robe.” And that was the game of “Money Man.”

Claude Gummonds—there is a name to reckon for! Claude was my partner on 34 albums, from our first one, in 1966, to Canyon of Tears, the record that ended our team-up in 1981. Those were good years. Those were the best years in my life. I’ll never forget them years.

I could fill up a whole book just telling the stories I know about ole Claude. But they tell me to keep this part short, so I’ll just do what I can.

The first time I laid eyes on Claude Gummonds was in 1964. He was one of the sea of hungry faces hanging out in Printer’s Alley—songwriters trying to break into the business.

These ‘po’ boys’—as they were nicknamed—would wait outside the night spots, guitars in hand, ready to burst into song if someone famous walked in or out. Webb Pierce couldn’t take a crap without a ‘po’ boy’ trying to play a sure-fire hit for him. Same thing for George Jones and Ray Price.

But all them boys was ‘po’ boys’ themselves, once upon a time. They knew the value of giving a fellow a break. Hell, they built their whole careers on getting breaks! And they knew it.

Back in them days, I wore my hair like Webb Pierce’s, and if you didn’t look too close, you’d have sworn I was him. Well, that’s what happened to Claude. I had gone into Tootsie’s to use the pisser. I was so broke I couldn’t afford toilet paper. I stood at the urinal, thinking to myself: well, this is it! My last piss. I’m so broke I can’t even afford to take a leak no more…”

All of the sudden, a guitar started playing right behind me. Like to give me a heart attack. Caused me to pee on the wall. Then this voice took in to sing. Thick voice—singing sweet and low. That voice had a funny break in it. The song it sang was good, too: “Momma’s Done Been and Gone.”

Claude finished singing and I finished peeing. I flushed, and turned around. Claude’s bony face beamed. “Well, Mr. Pierce, what’d you…” Then his face went all sour. “Oh, you ain’t Webb Pierce! Daw gone it!”

“Na, sir,” I said back, “I ain’t Webb Pierce. But that’s damn good song there. And you got a damn nice voice, son.” I held out my hand. “Slerrup’s the name. Houston Slerrup.”

Claude stared at my hand. “Son, you better wash that thing first.”

Next thing I knew, I was riding on top of a boxcar with Claude and “Sister Susie,” his ole flat-top guitar. We were on our way to Bristol. A radio station there was having auditions for new performers. Claude and Houston were gonna make good—we had to!

We started singing, and before we was out in the country, we’d started to write our first song together. Then a low hanging bridge come up. Claude didn’t see it, and that was the last I saw of him—or “Sister Susie”—for the next three months.

I hopped off the train, and tried my hardest to find Claude. There wasn’t a trace of him. I took him for dead, and hoofed it back into town.

Three months later, I spotted him outside Tootsie’s, all bandaged up, standing with all the other ‘po’ boys.’ He had his guitar taped up with his left arm, so he could make chords. He had a crutch propped up under his right arm. You couldn’t have missed him if you was blind!

“Houston!” he shouted.

“Claude!” I yelled.

We got caught up real quick. He’d been knocked out, and fallen into a truck going through the underpass. He’d laid there for two days, on death’s doorstep,  ‘fore he woke up. He had to go to the hospital. They had him on the critical list until a nurse brought “Sister Susie” in the room. She (the guitar) was pretty beat-up, but she still played fine.

While he was in the hospital, Claude had written a dozen good songs. We used those for our first album, which was named after one of those songs—“Country Mile.” The song told the story of what happened to Claude, and how “Sister Susie” brought him back to life.

Another song on that record was the one we’d written on that boxcar, “Cashier’s Check,” a pretty good divorce number that was our first hit record in 1965. I reckon that song paid back all of Claude’s hospital bills—and then some!
...

Episode 22: Ruth gets hypnotherapy!

Click here to play the new episode!

New Season! Brand new episode: Sky High with Spy Guy!

Click here to hear the first episode of the new season!

Jim & Frank PodCast 18: Drama! Drama! Raw and Real! Gripping! Drama! Real! And!

Listen here!

The theme is on DRAMA... stark, stunning stagecraft, studded with startling, sparkling stars! All this and more, oh, so much more, is on tap with our new episode.
We're proud to indirectly present the first of Quail Hut's planned series of "internet audio movies."
(We're all too aware that they co-opted the program, once again, but we're trying to be generous. We hope it shows.)
Charles McCullough couldn't have chosen a more powerful play with which to inaugurate this sterling sonic sub-series. He contacted well-known playwright (and singer) Teñnessee Ernjye-Ffördë to pen a new original work for the digital sound-stage. He did not disappoint.
His "Approximately...Last AUGUST" is among the finest works of the millennial internet theater.
We do wish we'd gotten some advance word that this production was afoot. That said, we can't fault their choice of cast.
In the lead role is young starling PENROD McCULLOUGH, to whom you were thoroughly introduced in our prior podcast. Add to this RUTH BELSEN, The Great DI-JON and director-actor HERBERT FRIESE-DREI (who doubles as QuailCo's chief lawyer) and you've got... actors!

There are those who might notice a marked similarity between Mr. Ernjye-Fförd's audio-play and a certain dramatic work from the 1950s that was made into an all-star movie in 1959, itself peopled with famous actor-people...
Yes, there are some surprising coincidenci (plural of coincidences) in both plays' themes, characterizations, narrative events, and titles.
We did not want to foist a derivative work upon you, our audience of one. We contacted Mr. Ernjye-Ffördë at his remote chalet in Lagos and asked him THE question. He replaced the cigarette in his mother-of-pearl holder, added three more onions to his martini, found another cigarette holder, loaded it, lit both, and replied:

"There are no similarities. I wasn't even thinking of that old tired thing when I wrote my masterpiece. I was inspired by that song from the 1980s music group, the Travelodges, 'Approximately... Last August.' I was always struck by the dramatic potential in that title. The song itself is about a home re-tiling project that goes wrong, due to a pending divorce. Thus, it was wasted on the general public. I feel that a title has a responsibility to confront the public with the stunning, burning truth. So I rather borrowed it."

That was a long, bumpy trip to Lagos, and we were, frankly, a bit disappointed by having gone all that way for such a reply. But it is what it is, and so are we. And we are proud to present to you APPROXIMATELY... LAST AUGUST!

Crouton Investigations

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Dark streets! Drifting Fog! Footsteps in the night! You won't find any
of these stock film noir elements in this new edition of the PodCast.
Yet we traffic in the seamy underbelly of the American experience--the
world of the private investigator.

Frank's still on the lam--from what, we don't know. Jim found a clue
which leads him to a discussion with "Harve" Marsden, a most unusual
"peeper" who operates (and we mean, "operates!") from a sleepy town in
New York state.

Ol' "Harve" (short for Harvard!) proves a classic character. His
gravelly voice... his singular opinions on life, work and popular
culture... his keen memory... his keen mastery of delegation and his
willingness to share confidential information with you, the listening
public... this fella's a keeper!

Jim finds out the intimate details of the "gumshoe" racket in this
special one-on-one, hard-hitting, no-bars-held, mano-a-mano interview.

We also learn of a shocking imitation of our proud sponsor, Quail
Hut--the detestable Pheasant Pharm. The very idea! Shame, shame... We
do what we can to sway Marsden from his errant path to the divine and
right road! Let's make it a Quail Hut Life!

Jim and Frank Now on iTunes!

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If the link above doesn't automatically subscribe you, try this link.

"Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!" Podcast Number 13

In these hard times, we've all felt the pinch. Keep your sunny side up, say Jim and Frank.

And that's exactly what they DON'T do in this bipolar special episode!
First, we feature a hidden audio jewel: out-takes from a circa 1975 commercial overdub session, featuring the non-redoubtable genius of American mass media...
GERSHON VERNE!!!
Verne, known for film classics such as Citizen Quail (1941) and The Terrific Thurmistons  ('42), plus the film noir gems The Dame From Shame-High ('48) and Touch of Hunger ('58), had fallen on hard times--much like us all today!--by the 1970s. Reduced to doing novelty children's recordings and TV-radio commercials, the understandably irate Verne never hesitated to show his bark and bite to trembling clients.

Here, we hear him, in high dudgeon, tackle with several choice Quail Hut jingles and commercial voice-tracks, in a freezing barn-slash-studio somewhere in Pennsylvania. We're betting you've never heard this notorious "audio verite" anywhere else, and we're pleased to present it to you!

Then, after a brief salute to THE JIM AND FRANK LOCAL BUSINESS OF THE WEEK--Renton, Washington's fabulous JUST PARROTS (364 Renton Center Way Southwest

Renton, WA 98057-2378; 425-277-4555). No kidding, folks, this must be one of the finest small businesses in existence! Please go to them immediately for your real (or imagined) parrot-related needs!

The vibe goes down, down, down as we further explore Renton and Skyway, Washington's dilapidated and abandoned business district. Man, it's depressing--no two ways about it! We'll post the pictures in a special update here, later today. Then you can see what we're going on about, as we confront the shriveled, encrusted husk of Modern America!

(Don't worry. There's a happy marching song at the end to set things right!)

All this--and less!--in a special double-length episode of the world-acclaimed PodCast!

Download the mp3 by right clicking (Mac users: control>click) on the following link: JimNFrankNum13

Your Official Picture Supplement to Jim & Frank PodCast 13

Here are the photographs Jim and I took during our exploration of the grim 'n' gruesome failed business district of Skyway, Washington...
First up: some views of what is, perhaps, the saddest failed grocery store in the Pacific Northwest, MY ELDORADO...

Depressing, bleak, hopeless...

Yep...

I have to face this thing on a daily basis. Was this really some poor deluded soul's El Dorado?

Following are a few more views of this unremitting heartbreaker....

Here's that abandoned, rusty gold Volkswagen Beetle we mentioned...

Now for a couple of shots of the soul-deadening casino we mentioned... it's very David Lynch-ish inside. Many millions of sucker-earned dollars have been taken from local yokels the hard way here:

A faded, once- fabulous 1950s BOWL sign takes some of the harsh edge off this depressing miasma of failure:

Whew--that's all you really need to get the picture.

Hey--for a heart-lifting chaser, here's an exclusive inside shot of Renton's fabulous JUST PARROTS!

Things seem happier already, huh? Who says there's no hope left in the world? Not us!

This photo-journalistic exercise has been brought to you by Quail Hut--featuring their "coo-coo-cooling" new confectionery treat: Quail Stikz!

Jim & Frank PodCast #12-- This One's For The Kids (And Their Huts!)

Like donuts and eggs, the Jim and Frank PodCast comes in dozens! This week's farm-fresh, cauterized episode caters to the kids!

Charles McCullough, like other American executives, has gone into deep hiding, in the wake of recent Wall Street shocks. Thanks to his faultless "QuailGram" system, he gets word to us.

His message: let's do one for America's tots and tykes! Good sports to the bitter end, that's just what we did!
Debuting on this week's J&FPC is the dynamic "Kid's Hut," a show by the young for the young! It's got kid interests at heart! Hear Frank tell a true-life story of his childhood mischief. He also displays a hint of latent sociopathy, as he cackles warmly at his youthful misdeeds. At least no one got hurt--it was really all in fun, honest!

For the adults, there's a special introduction by America's own Leonard Maltin, some talk about the early history of the Quail Hut franchise, a mention of the remarkable panelologist, Mason Moray (visit his astounding blog at http://panelologicalpantheon.blogspot.com/ - well worth your time!), and the usual back-and-forth frothy banter that's made the Jim & Frank PodCast the toast of seven nations (including Belgium)!

You know by now that it's futile to resist! Drop what you're doing and give us a listen!

PS: Don't forget to sign up for our newsletter--and get a genuine retro Quail Hut menu sent to you free of charge! Look below for the easy, painless instructions. C'mon, America--let's make it a Quail Hut life! [TM]

Jim & Frank Podcast #10: Let's Make It a QuailHut Night!!

Who among us doesn't like those tender, gentle quails? And aren't we all just a little bit fond of huts?
I thought so! Therefore, please join us in a hearty welcome to our new sponsor, QuailHut Family Restaurants!
After last week's program, in which we parted ways with a former long-time sponsor, we were  bit leery of an immediate hook-up with a new corporate "parent."
We're proud to say that we've found an understanding, compassionate and caring home in QuailHut.
In this week's extra-length, super-spectacular show, we chat about things that matter to us, spend some time with the always-surprising Ruth Belson, and then hear from the official Jim & Frank Political Maven, Ira Dgrdsgy. You'll find him a changed man, with news and views that show his courage and outrage--often in the same ragged breath.
We'd like to thank Charles McCullough, Creative Vice President of QuailHut, for appearing on this show, and we look forward to a bright, happy future in alliance with "the Hut," as the kids call it.
So... let's make it a QuailHut night! And, in the meantime, please make it a Jim & Frank afternoon and hear our new podcast! Just click and enjoy!

"Cooooooooomin ATCHA!:" Jim & Frank Podcast Goes Ultra-Commercial!

On this week's Jim & Frank Podcast, to quote the phrase of our political correspondent, Ira Snsodsst, "the doo-doo hits the fan blades!"

Our allegiance with the Corectto Foundation has never been, shall we say, harmonious, but this week, things come to a head. "Honey," our executive liaison with the Foundation, has imposed a new, "now" format for the program.

We now "do our thing" before a live studio audience, complete with "mod" musical sounds and a professional announcer. They made us use one of those APPLAUSE signs, as seen above.

This episode marks a turning point for the Podcast. You'll just have to hear it for yourself. Just understand this... after this episode, everything you think you know about the Jim & Frank Podcast will never be the same again!

Oh--and we almost forgot... there's the Corectto Dancers! Hold onto your armchair, folks... this one's a doozy!

Ten Minutes Without A Miracle: Episode #8 of The Jim & Frank Podcast

Just in time to reach our monthly quota of four episodes, here's the newest Jim & Frank Podcast!

This week, romance and new love are afoot at the Jim & Frank Media Compound. Ruth Belson returns as... prepare yourself for the shock... Mrs. "Uncle" Dicky Johnson--or, as they now bid us call them, The Great DiJon and Wife!

Ruth looks pretty remarkable in her spangled blue Spandex one-piece gown. You see, she's now the official stage assistant of The Great DiJon!

But it's not all bunnies and flowers, being hitched to a world-acclaimed master of legerdemain. Ruth confides in us, and tells all about the ups and down, the highs and lows, of being the intimate partner of a great magician.

Through a new scientific process we call ThoughTunes, Ruth's inner state is "painted" for the listener in music! You'll be able to track Ruth's highly volatile emotional condition as it changes--from second to second!

As if that weren't enough (and it isn't), The Great DiJon will perform one of his astonishing, complex feats on the air. It's an unforgettable experience. Of this we assure you.




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Podcast #7: Up, Up, Up With Senior People on the Jim & Frank Podcast!

On behalf of our corporate sponsors, The Corectto Foundation, this week's special podcast focuses on the wants, desires and wisdom of the senior citizen people!

Hear them "rap" on what matters most to them. The weather! Presidents Dewey AND Kroger! Egg nog! The funny papers! Shoes! Memories! The war!

We also speak with a big-wig from Corectto, a guy we only know as "Honey." You'll get a glimpse of what our dealings with this powerful scion of public service are really like!

Ruth and "Uncle Dickie" are on a whirlwind vacation in Palm Springs, so they're regrettably absent from this, our seventh broadcast in this new, Non-Pandering Direction.

Senior citizen people are our biggest demographic, so let's hope this special episode will "tell it like it is" for our devoted listeners!

Special musical guest this week: legendary jazz clarinetist Jimmy Noone!




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Could This Be Magic? Episode Six of "The Jim & Frank Podcast!"

There's magic in the air at the Jim and Frank Podcast Studio this week.
We interview legendary Puget Sound children's prestidigitator "Uncle Dicky" Johnson, who regaled us with surprising and inspirational stories about his almost four-decade career as the Seattle area's go-to guy for birthday shows, bar mitzvahs and Kiwanis meet-'n'-greets!
We also hear about the real Canada, from our pal, Ruth (America's voice of the senior citizen) and hear about the latest sinister doings in Washington, courtesy of our phone-in political maven, Ira ______! (We have committed his first name to memory!)
All these thrills and more in this jam-packed episode of THE JIM & FRANK PODCAST!
(a tip of the magic top-hat to Jay Sankey, by the way, for the dog's sphincter!)




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Podcast #5: A Hungry Legend of The Blues Talks with Jim & Frank!

We're honored to feature a candid, exclusive interview with the one and only Blind Willie Jefferson, blues legend of the 1930s and '40s, on this week's Jim & Frank Podcast.

As you may know, Blind Willie has resided in France since the early 1950s. He just happened to be in town this week. Like millions of others, all over the world, Blind Willie knows and respects the Jim & Frank Ethos, and he kindly agreed to tell the poignant story of his career in a revealing conversation with Jim.

(Frank is trapped in British Columbia, along with Ruth. But that's another story.)

Tune in and listen to a previously unknown chapter in the history of the blues!




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Podcast #4: Come Unto the Eve of Breakfast with Jim & Frank!

What on earth could Aimee Semple McPherson [left] and Philip "P. F." Sloan [right] possibly have in common? They're both subjects of conversation on a special, all-talk edition of the Jim & Frank PodCast.

No improvised cut-ups or shenanigans this time... just the two of us talking about stuff. We hope this departure is an enjoyable one. We'll be back to the funny stuff next time.

That said, few things we might ever improvise could be funnier than Ms. McPherson's immortal 1926 religious rant, "Come Unto Me," which you will hear at the close of this week's jumbo-sized program.

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Jim & Frank Podcast #3: Avoid Craigslist Dentistry!

That's the harrowing lesson Frank learned on the new episode of the Jim And Frank Podcast.

All it took was a simple serving of this imitation of Seven-Up (pictured at right) and the loss of 35 hard-earned dollars to teach Frank a lesson he'll not soon forget.
It's Ruth to the rescue! But we don't want to spoil the fun of what happens.
There's also a valuable dramatization of rental property management, a delightful real-life anecdote, and, for a change, some actually good coffee.
Why be like everyone else, and miss out on all this fun? Just click on the pretty button below and spend approximately 27 minutes with us...

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The Jim and Frank (Frank and Jim?) Podcast Returns: 2nd Big Episode!

It had to happen again, folks--The Jim and Frank Podcast has just released its second edition!

This 35-minute funfest features conversation, a remembered true-life dream, "Gripe Night" (our venerable viewer call-in segment) and, of course, more political news from our man in the fields, Chad... er... Chris... oh, bother! We forgot to write his name down AGAIN!!!

Special music for today's episode includes "Wistful Waltz," written by Frank Young (it's the "Gripe Night Theme," in other words), and a mysterious "demo" recording for the 1962 international smash hit "Telstar," moaned by its composer, the legendary Joe Meek, over the backing track to another song entirely.

There's plenty of information about Joe Meek on the internet--some of it is even true. But this home-made demo of "Telstar" is clearly something special--the same way our podcast is, always, something special.

Enjoy, by all means....




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Frank & Jim Podcast, 1/22/10: The Dawn of a New Era, Vol. ii

It had to happen, America, and here it is...

The all-new, all-now Frank & Jim Podcast!

As the subtitle implies, it truly is the dawn of a new era for our program. We feel that this fresh start is just what we've needed. The old formulas had grown stale, and we were just spinning our wheels.

We had some good times, and some big laughs, but now it's time to move on--and to grow up. We hope you approve of our maiden effort in what is, truly, The Dawn of a New Era, Vol. ii!



To join us on this new voyage, simply press the PLAY button above and listen.

A note on the music: our theme song for the program, "Occhi di Bambola," came from the wonderful, educational and lyrical blog Excavated Shellac. This haunting piece of music, recorded in 1928, just seemed to be the perfect theme song, in search of a program.

Well, if nothing else, we've created the program.

Look for a new Frank & Jim (Jim & Frank east of the Mason/Dixon line) each week at this time.


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